This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
