guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She has the best kind of daddy issues
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
