I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
