I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
