That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
