My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I need moral support for this bender
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
