Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
