i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
