he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
