So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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