man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
zippers are such a cool invention
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
