so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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