Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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