Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize