I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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