I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize