she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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