i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
