i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
