I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
