She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
