Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
