i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
