Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
