i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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