Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
