How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize