You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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