Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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