I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
