Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's blow job season.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
