garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
are you so shy because you have an std?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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