it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
