so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
