Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize