It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
