i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize