He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
