Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
