you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
