I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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