So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Come on in and take your pants off
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