i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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