Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize