I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
bring money and cleavage
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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