i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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