the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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