Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
