my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
