"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
