Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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