omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
