Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
