i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i wish my penis had a tongue
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
