I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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