Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
