If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I lost the right to judge tonight
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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