i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
