my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
