How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
