Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
