what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
this just has baby written all over it
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
