How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Randomize
