i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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