i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
there is puke in my bra ... again
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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